Sick and tired

I've been sick. It's been pretty miserable. And the photo above is NOT ME being sick and miserable, OK?! They took me away from my cellmates into a different room. I was alone most of the time, no computer, no TV, no magazines, just a few lame toys that even Jack wouldn't have fun playing with. Just lying there on my mat. No bed for us, oh no. I look up on the Internet these incredible beds with lacy sheets, big thick pillow, plump mattresses. I call Melba over, hey, come and check out what THEY sleep on. But back to my sick room.. I really wasn't feeling good. Every part of my body ached, my head hurt, my throat. Only treat: a kind of thick syrup they fed me in a funny plastic spoon with markings. The assistant forgot the bottle once near the mat. I drank almost the whole thing at one go, to make up for my miserable day. I left some, so it wouldn't be too obvious that I had swallowed the whole thing. When Blancatrix came for her turn to look after me, she looked at the level in the bottle and seemed a bit surprised. She looked at me, and I put on my most stupid look. Tried cute too, but I'm not as good as Melba at it. Anyway she left it at that. Finally after four days of solitary confinement, I was returned to my friends. They were very sweet, came and hugged me and scratched behind my ears. Even Jack was excited to see me. Apparently he's still really sad. Melba has taken him with her at night, he cuddles right up and cries himself to sleep.

Little Jack our new baby chimp

Unbelievable. We got a new inmate this morning. The youngest of youngest chimpanzee we've ever seen in a lab. What will they bring next? A newborn? I'm calling him Jack (not his real name, and the pic above is NOT of Jack, OK?). He's really cute. And has no idea what's happening to him. He's asking where his Mom went and when he'll see her again. I'm like, Jack, forget about your Mom, OK? Melba here is as sweet as any Mom. Melba cuddles him and rocks him to sleep, but Little Jack's having a hard time. Poor thing. I remember when they took me away from my Mom. How tough and unbelievable it was. And I wasn't as young as Little Jack.
Oh, I also wanted to let you know that I have the computer thing so under control! The computer room is next to the one where we sleep. End of the afternoon, I slip a few pieces of straw (Stellar braids them for me) between the door and the frame, where the lock is. The afternoon screw (Stellar's word, remember?) pulls the door behind him. That's enough to lock the door. I force myself to wait until I hear the main door close in the distance, and, tala, I pull on the straws, gently, gently, and the door opens up. Yipee. The night and the Internet are mine. See you later, I'm working on my facebook. Did you befriend me, huh, did you? Oo-oo-aa-aa-oo-oo-aa-aa!

Success but too big

Stellar was right again. I'm getting a little bit irritated that she's had all the great ideas recently. Well, the idea of using the razor for our ends was mine, and I'm proud of it. Anyway, believe it or not, it looks like Blancatrix is going to yield to Melba's cute behavior. Our charming mate has been pointing to the Blancatrix' clothes and making the "I want" gesture. She also points out at clothes on advertising pictures, etc. etc. Making the sweetest, most angelic face. Blancatrix has been all excited by all this. She's been in furious discussions with her favorite assistant of the moment, el Michael-o.
- Can you believe this, Michael? It's so interesting.
- Why do you think Melba wants clothes, Professor?
- I wonder if she's identifying with us. We need to investigate, it'll make a wonderfully interesting article.
Yesterday she brought in one of her old blouses. Melba put it on. It was way too big. Blancatrix was watching her and taking notes. Melba acted miserable because it was too big. She kept on walking on the sleeves and falling on her face. Hope the Blancatrix got the message and brings clothes which are the right size. Melba is hoping for the little outfit on the right. Will keep you posted.

Facebook! I'm in!

I am so excited. I'm on facebook! Yeah! And the joker who said facebook means food is in trouble! Now I'm hoping to make some friends, so look for me, chimp-ion Uh-hum, that's how you'll find me. They asked for a last name. Huh? A last name? Waddyszat? I haven't got a last name, lucky enough I have a first one, not all chimps are that lucky. So befriend me, I don't want to be the chimp on facebook who only has 2 friends. More tomorrow!

the clothes problem

We're working hard on the clothes. Well, thinking hard. We're stalling. Even Stellar hasn't been able to come up with anything dead solid. The only clothes we could have access to are the white lab coats our jailers wear when they're in here. I suppose they don't want to get dirty or something. I suggested stealing stuff, like jackets, hats, scarves of visitors, but that leaves our charming behinds naked and that won't do. Stellar has another plan which seems impossible to me. She says Melba who's very sweet should signal to the Blancatrix that she'd like to wear clothes. See where that gets us. By the way, Stellar says we should call our jailers "screws". Don't know why. As far as I'm concerned screws are these cute little metal things in equipment and stuff. If I manage to get a few out using my teeth and nails and I hide them inside a banana peel, it's a joy to see the whole team going insane, down on their knees crawling around the place. We pretend to be puzzled by their poor acrobatics.

Speaking of bananas, today I offered myself a pic of a big bunch of juicy looking fruit. Let me tell you, the fruit we get doesn't look like that. Usually comes in a mean looking plastic bowl, either too hard or too ripe. I mean, where do they get the stuff?

2 vaary important nyooz

Today you get a picture of a mighty cute chimp. It is NOT me. It's just a chimp, OK?

Now for the important business. I have two super important news for you. You know how pretty much Blancatrix and her assistants can do pretty much anything they like with us? Well check this out:

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/europe/article4220884.ece

Did you read it? I mean, did you read it or what? It says, and I read it's not some crazy chimp in a lab putting on a prank, that in Spain, apes (that's me and a few other dudes) have legal rights. Yep. Legal rights. Can't monkey around with chimps anymore in Spain, no stupid commercials on TV where we're made to look like fool. Over. Dignity at last. I can't get over it. Came across it as I was surfing for all things chimp on the Internet. That's news number one. Read below for news number two, which is not completely unrelated.

Do you remember how Stellar shaved her face and looked so weird? We were talking both of us how crazy that was. Would never have thought that under our cute brown hair, we'd look as ugly as them. Not quite as ugly, but still, a big shock. She said, can you imagine if we wore their clothes too, we could look like one of their young ones. And that's how we got the idea. Do I need to say more? If I do, you'll have to wait for next time, because I gotta get busy here. OO-aa-oo-aa, onward.