What next?!

Sad to see that this monkey above and his companions have been fed sugary drinks and fatty foods instead of our favorite fruits and nuts. The goal is to fatten them and study the effect of obesity. As if there weren't enough obese people to study. We don't like being fat. On behalf of my forced fattened brothers oo-aa oo-aa oo-aa oo-aa!

http://nyti.ms/ezUHRL

Hard at it!

One more proof chimps are vastly superior to humans:

http://bit.ly/bEQM4S

By the way, the pic above is NOT me feeling miserable with a headache. Don't seem to be able to get rid of it. Still working on the door system, but have made no progress. Stellar has been at her most sarcastic. Am hanging in there. Meanwhile she's busy gathering tons of information. With our prodigious memory, please refer to link above again. She's spending days and nighs (we've cracked the computer system at night, yay) investigating the world through the Internet. Includes but not limited to: public transport, weather reports, google maps, human behavior, human foods, credit cards, credit card fraud, National Parks, cruise ships, agriculture, federal passport departement, am I forgetting anything?

Getting out of here

We've got the human look together, with our clothes on. We keep our handsome long arms inside the sleeves to look like the hocks which serve as arms to humans.

Next problem: the doors. This is a high security high tech lab for some reason. Are we that precious to them? They have a swipe card to open the doors and they also have to put their palms on a pad which recognizes the hands of all those who work here. Well, have you seen me the other day working on my keyboard? I'm working on the problem. I told Stellar who got so excited she gave me a big hug. She's usually not that demonstrative. I was getting closer to breaking into the security system of the lab, when I got a really bad headache. I mean a bad bad headache, couldn't hear myself think anymore. Had to posptone. Oo-oo, aa-aaaaaa. Feeling blue.

thinking the plan

This is NOT a pic of Lil Jack dressed up and blissfully asleep for about 38 seconds, OK, not Lil Jack not in our cage!
Today we had a bit of time without too much supervision, as Blancatrix' assistant was watching the Olympics. We watch it too, but we had more important matters to work on. Miss Stellar opened the discussion.
- If we manage to get out of here, we're going to be spotted as soon as we're out the door. The whole country's police will be after us. Melba's clothes are the answer. I can stand on Xelsior's shoulders, we dress up with the clothes and we look like ... one human being. We'll be the Mom and Chimp-ion and Lil Jack will by our kids.
I objected.
- OK that Lil Jack be the kid. But moi? The most amazing, through thinking chimp on the planet? I think I should be part of the adult package.
- Because you're smart, you'll be more mobile being a single being, when we need a quick solution to our problems.
Stellar always has an answer to everything, she's a bit tiring.
Melba woke up from licking the inside of her paws.
- What about me?
- Maybe it's safer you stay here.
- Why? I don't want to miss out.
- Melba, you like your comforts, you hate disturbances. We don't know what might happen out there.
- I don't want to stay here without you.
I piped in.
- She can stand on my shoulders. We'll be the other adult, with just one kid.
- Maybe the Mom will have three kids. Unlike us chimps, humans can have loads of kids they take care of at the same time, put in Stellar.
- More than two? asked Melba.
For the rest of the day, Stellar practiced standing on Xelsior's shoulders while they walked around. Melba tried standing on mine, but after she fell a couple of times, she went sulking in a corner. The white coat checked on us a couple of times. He was a bit puzzled by the acrobatics, but more interested in the Olympic aerial acrobatics. By the end of the day, Stellar and Xelsior were getting the hang of it. We were settling down to sleep, when Melba put her head on Xelsior's shoulder. He groaned.
- What's up, Xelsior?
Both his shoulders were bruised to a pulp. Do you think he would have said anything? OOO-AAA, OOO-AAA Xelsior our chimp hero.

Update: Jack, Melba, etc.

It's been a while since I last updated you about the Biancatrix lab clan. That's us, Melba, Xelsior, Stellar, Lil Jack and myself your humble servant and most amazing chimp-ion in the world. To recapitulate. Lil Jack is mightily unhappy. And prevents us from having a decent night sleep. Melba has been gathering a certain amount of human clothes (poor guys with their disgusting hairless skin, they're forced to hide it under various ridiculous clothes). Xelsior is watching Rambo on the Internet and wants to blast his way out of here with hand grenade and automatic weapons (But, Xels, we ain't got no hand grenades. Let's build them, he says, pure soul). And Stellar thinks thinks and thinks. Last night she gathers us.
- What's for sure is that the Lil Jack situation can't go on. Agreed?
We all answered with tired, nodding "Ay".
- We need to get out of here. Because I'm, like, so fed up with being locked in here I could kiss a human out of desperation. To get some fresh air. To find Lil Jack's mother.
We were so stunned we could not speak for at least 30 seconds. Then we all talked at the same time for a long time. Nobody could understand nobody and suddenly we were all asleep, no idea how or when we vanished into dreams. We are all very excited, let me tell you. We went about our usual business today: eating, getting a bit of exercise, cleaning ourselves, doing dumb experiments with the Biancatrix' minions. But it was not business as usual. Oh no. The air between us was vibrating with excitement. And about that, more later. OO-OO-AA-AA.

yet another fantastic scientific discovery

From the New York Times (well, yes, I read all sorts of things, there is no stopping my brilliant mind):

"Yet monkeys have been around for 30 million years without saying a single sentence. Chimps, too, have nothing resembling language, though they shared a common ancestor with humans just five million years ago. What is it that has kept all other primates locked in the prison of their own thoughts? etc etc"

The ... the ... the arrogance of it! Humans are just so... so... so behind. Retarded. Slow. They think if they don't understand another species' language, it means those inferior beings don't talk. Wouldn't cross their mind that with their very limited senses (wait, here's the list, humans can hardly smell, hear really badly, sense of taste limited, sense of touch pretty awful, and vision average) they would not perceive the language of others. They just assume they are so superior. But here's a question for you all, apes, humans, aliens, worms, anyone who reads this blog: who has just completely messed up our planet so that's it's about ready to be discarded in the trashcan? Stupid monkeys? Stupid hares? Stupid lizzards? Huh? Huh? OO-AA OO-AA, say no more.

By the way, the pic above IS NOT ME working on a keyboard I'm putting together, OK?!!

Cat-a-strophe!

The Blancatrix. Wants to work with me on a series of exercises including blocks and letters. She's still convinced I'm a special case. Because most times I mess up her tests as if I were the stupidest of stupidest monkeys. Then I perform a series of tests brilliantly (because I am brilliant, that should be clear to all by now) and she scratches her head. Calls her assistant. Calls in other professors and they all look at me as if I were a brand new BMW. That's a fancy car humans salivate about, I saw the ads on everything. Anyway, I thought I was being smart, and now I'm stuck with blocks. As if I were a baby or something. And guess what that means: cut down my computer time. I mean, Xelsior has 20 times more access to the computers now, because he hasn't been deemed (good word, that, OO-OO AA-AA) such an interesting learning case. Anyway, Melba let me use hers while nobody's looking but I think I hear the assistant coming back, good bye, more later. OO-OO, AA-AA, OO-OO, AA-AAAAAAAAA.